What’s your communication style?

Back in graduate school, I completed my training in Hanen’s ‘It Takes Two to Talk’ parent-training program and I had an “aha” moment in the portion where we discussed parents’ communication styles. It was here when I learned that sometimes as parents, we can fall into less-than-ideal communication styles with our little ones. Usually this is completely subconscious and well-intentioned. So it’s not to say that parents are to ‘blame’ in any way. It can help, however, for parents to stop and consider the role they’re playing when interacting with their child. I’ve listed some traits of the communication styles of parents. Some are less than ideal and some are more supportive of early language skills. Take a look and consider your style:

Less-than-ideal behaviours:

• Quizzing and Testing constantly: this is the parent who is asking questions like “what is this?!” “What sound does this make?” Etc etc. They’re well-intentioned. Usually they want to show off their child’s skills as proud parents. But… this type of behaviour puts a lot of pressure on little ones and doesn’t allow the child to initiate conversational turns.

• Entertaining and putting on a show: this is the parent who likes to control the fun. They’re the ones initiating all sorts of songs, dances and games. Don’t get me wrong: this is great! But take a step back and let your child be the initiator. You might be surprised by what kind of fun they want to have with you!

• Helping and jumping in at every sign of struggle: as parents, we don’t like to see our children struggle. So when our child is having a hard time communicating, it’s natural for us to want to jump in and save the day. But I encourage you to consider what might happen, if you took a step back and see what might happen when your child is given the time to work through it.

• Observing from a distance: this parent might be distracted, or simply unsure how to join their child in their play. When our child is struggling to communicate, it might even seem like they don’t want to play with us. But let me tell you: some of the best language learning opportunities happen when children Interact with their parents in close proximity.

Ideal communicative behaviours:

• Following the interests of your child. Let your child show you what is interesting to them and they will be much more likely to communicate about it! This also means resisting the urge to finish all of the pages of a book or playing with a toy in a certain way. Let your child lead the way!

• Being comfortable waiting and being silent: resisting the urge to jump in and embracing moments of silence. This gives your child the chance to take a turn. Whether this be with a gesture, sound or word. If we do too much of the talking, this leaves little for them to contribute ;)

• Being engaged and close: getting onto the floor and at your child’s level shows them that you’re interested in what they’re doing and that you’re ready to communicate with them about it!

How do you communicate? Sometimes we can be a mixture of these and we won’t always communicate in an ideal way. But learning about different behaviours that discourage or encourage early communicative behaviours helps to pave the way for better language skills!

— Meg