The Power of Waiting in Early Language Interactions

Silence. Dead air. If you're anything like me, silence is disconcerting especially within a conversation. Many of us try to fill this void in conversation with extra comments and questions. But when it comes to toddlers learning to use words, silence can actually be a helpful learning opportunity. Here's an example: your toddler is wanting a cracker and they are passionately pointing and grunting and you model the word "cracker". They don't repeat after you, so you hand them the cracker and say "cracker". But wait... what might have happened if you had waited a bit longer? You might be surprised to hear that toddlers sometimes repeat words several seconds after they are modelled (sometimes up to TEN seconds later!) So what ends up happening, is we assume that they are not going to say the word, and we say it for them or give in to their request. In essence, we are taking their conversational turn. This is why Speech-Language Pathologists recommend giving ample waiting time after modelling new gestures and words. This allows toddlers adequate time to process the gesture or word that you have just modelled for them and to decide how they want to take their conversational turn.

This is not to say that you should stare them down or withhold items of interest for minutes. It just means resisting the urge to fill in the silence and waiting for your toddler to contribute (in whatever way works for them!) This helps to teach toddlers about the back-and-forth nature of conversations: a fundamental lesson when it comes to learning to communicate. These turns don't have to be verbal, either. Toddlers can communicate with gestures, facial expressions, noises and more. All of these are contributions to an interaction. So in this cracker scenario, even if the toddler doesn't say "cracker", we want to allow them time to contribute their turn (e.g. head nod, "yes", a smile).

So how do we get into the habit of waiting longer? I like to think of it as a '5-second-rule'. This will feel like an eternity in practice (1...2...3...4...5), but I promise that it gets easier with time (pun intended!) You might find it helpful to make some visual reminders for yourself around the house: like a Post-It note with the word 'wait' on it. I think that you will be pleasantly surprised by the conversational turns that your toddler takes when they are given enough time.

In conclusion: the next time you interact with your toddler, WAIT....... and celebrate all turns (even if they're not words!)

-- Meg