Lessons learned as a parent of a late talker

They say parenthood is the one job that you can never fully prepare for. While completing my Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology, I dreamt of the day when I had kids of my own and could watch in awe as they met their milestones, capturing each new skill on video and showing them off to family and friends. And there was no area that I felt better prepared for than speech and language development. After all, I was a Speech-Language Pathologist! This is what I did for a living. I had my first son in spring of 2018. He was a happy baby who was always very interactive with others, he babbled on time and he met all motor milestones on time. He was a full-term baby with no medical concerns or otherwise. But his first birthday rolled around and those first words that I was desperately waiting to hear never came.

A few more months rolled by and I became increasingly concerned. What was happening? Why couldn't I get my own child to talk? He was getting frustrated and so was I. I dug up my textbooks from grad school desperately looking for a solution (to no avail). I knew it was time to get a second opinion. So, I pursued a referral to a local SLP (This was not something I ever thought that I'd be doing). At this point, my son was 18 months old and had yet to say a first word. We headed in for our first appointment with the SLP. I headed in hoping that she'd be able to find the piece of the puzzle that was missing. She'd be able to tell me what I had failed to do and I could correct that and move forward. But what I heard instead was 'this is not your fault.' She observed my son and I playing and she commented on all of the strengths that she was seeing. Essentially, he had all of the building blocks to talk but just wasn't quite there yet. But instead of sending us on our way, we decided to brainstorm together. We came up with a plan for some new strategies to try and we set a date to check back in. About six weeks later, the silence finally broke. My son was 20 months old and for the first time, produced a word ("BEAR!"). My husband and I could have thrown a party.

That Spring (the beginning of the pandemic!). I welcomed my second son and things got a whole lot more difficult (that transition from 1 to 2 is no joke!). I was tracking my son's words in a shared note with my husband. Progress was slow, but I remained patient. By his second birthday, he had about 75 words (note that the average is 200-300 words along with word combinations). But I kept tracking and remaining patient. By the time the summer rolled around, he was starting to combine words and his word count was quickly growing off the charts. By his third birthday, his expressive language development was age-appropriate. He is now almost five (time is a thief!) and I am happy to report that he is thriving.

My son during the Fall of 2019

Here's what I've learned and what I hope that you'll take from this:

1) It is not your fault. Trust me when I say that I tried to look for a million and one ways that I could have caused my son's language delay. But I had to accept that the reason that he wasn't talking yet was not something that could be clearly explained. We are still learning a lot about this population.

2) Don't be afraid to ask for help. It can be pretty humbling to seek an opinion when you're professionally trained in the same skillset, but I had to remember that my son was not my client. I was his Mom first and foremost. A second opinion can be extremely helpful and will help to add an outsider's perspective. And don't let somebody talk you out of your concerns. You know your child best!

3) Quit the comparison game. Comparing your child to others when it comes to each and every milestone achieves nothing but making you feel like crap and causing you to second guess yourself. If you have concerns, please bring this up with your child's healthcare provider (not your Facebook group!).

4) Focus on the 'can do' not the 'can't do'. Sometimes we get so hyper-focused on what our kids can't do, that we miss what they can do. Of course it's normal to have concerns, but please don't let this cause you to lose sight of all of the wonderful things your child is doing.

5) Use the experience to better yourself. Had you asked me in grad school if I would ever return to complete a Ph.D., the answer would have been a definitive 'no!'. But something shifted when I became a parent and I endured this experience with my son. It lit a passion in me to learn more about this unique population and I am now a Ph.D. candidate!

-- Meg